Anything to get out of doing my mid-term and packing up for my move!

Everytime I watch a match of the World Cup the announcers always bombard the viewers with random facts and statistics that to me, as an amateur football fan, seem way out of left field. I decided, out of pure frustration with these silly scenarios that the sportcasters create, that I would write some wacked-out statistics of my own.

1) Germany has never advanced to the final four, on non-European soil and when cheap American Budweisers are downed by their team's rival's fan's mothers-in-law's cousins during teatime in London.

2) Mexico has only ever scored 2 goals in the second stage of the World Cup, except that time when 50% of the other team had serious constipation.

3) Its the first time in 40 years, Portugal has advanced to the second stage of the World Cup in which one of their team members is a young, hot, Prince-William look-a-like, not from the mainland.

4) Ecuador has lost everytime that the majority of their fans do NOT participate in the wave, sing the national anthem and buy expensive FIFA merchandise.

5) The longest distance a player has ever slid across the grass while other team members were celebrating the wrong goal in their second game, was 5 feet.

6) The Brazil vs. The African Brazil (Ghana) game will be the first time a South-American team has played against an African team which, within their own continent, is considered to be equal of the other team in that other continent.