Images of my Dad #1

Family Pictures #1

This was the inheritance I lost. A home and farm in Portugal.

Lef to right: Aunt Magali, Uncle Ezequiah, Grandma Maria Elena, Cousin Yasmani, Cousin Sabrina, Cousin Jessica and me.

My first birthday.

My mom is so gorgeous!

Mom and I at church.

Me with my nephews on Cape Cod.

I submitted this to Cake Wrecks but they didn't take it.

In the middle is my cousin Mito and to the right (his left) is my cousin Pedro. This is a religious procession in Taboeira, Portugal.

Festival on the Common

My Beautiful Mom #1

Young Me #1

At the Christopher Columbus museum in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic

9 years old, in front of my parent's home.

I want in!

With my nephews. Yes my nephews.

At age 12, a dancing portrait.

My 5th birthday. Check out how long my hair was!

Hangin' out with Trebeck.

I was a very happy child.

Book Review: It's Not Him, It's You! by Dr. Laura Berman

It's Not Him, It's You!

How to Take Charge of Your Life and Create the Love and Intimacy You Deserve

by Laura Berman PhD

Dorling Kindersley

$25.00

Hardcover

January 2011

My beau Carlos and I became fans of Dr. Laura Berman after watching her short-lived TV series Sexual Healing on Netflix Instant Watch. In the show, she took on two couples with serious intimacy issues and worked with them for a few weeks on their troubles. She would meet with them together as a couple and one-on-one. Berman would also give them homework assignments, intimacy experiments that they would do in private (or in public depending on the task) and would report back at the next meeting. Some of the cases were pretty serious and Carlos and I were always impressed on how she dealt with them. She listened to them, asked them thought-provoking questions and always encouraged communication between the partners.

So when I saw that DK was offering up some galleys of this book for review on Shelf Awareness, I jumped on the chance. I thought, if anything, it could help improve my love life.

The copy I received was a paperback galley with pixelated black and white photographs. I hope that the final hardcover will be in color! The design overall was very good and I'm excited to see the final product when it publishes next year.

The book covers many topics from dating, sex, long-term relationships, health issues, family, stress, etc. The way the different sections are structured makes it easy to read and great as a reference guide. The book is peppered with quizzes, lists, strategies, sexy photographic spreads, and thought-provoking essays. The target audience of this book is primarily women but men could read it as well. You can be single, in a casual relationship, in a long-term relationship, married, divorced, it doesn't matter. It is pretty much guaranteed that regardless of your current romantic status that there are several sections of this book that will relate directly to you. It's evenly balanced and I didn't feel like it catered to one group of women over another. This is the type of book that women could easily share with their female firends and family members. 

In my opinion, the main goal of the book is to help you not sabotage your relationship. Because let's face it, that's what many of us do. Both men and women have a tendency to destroy their relationships because they are scared or they don't put in the effort required to keep a relationship healthy and thriving. This book focuses on how women do that and how they can stop doing that and improve their love lives. I found it very empowering but several times throughout the book I would stop and wonder if "It's Not Her, It's You!" would ever be published.

Personally, I got the most out of the section about the "blame game". I didn't quite buy the you spot it you own it idea that if you see some flaw in someone else you have that flaw as well. However, I do think I have a tendency to blame people for things they haven't done. This is my way of lashing out at people in order to protect my vulnerable self-esteem. Also, Berman suggests that if you confront your partner over a certain issue that you be more careful with your words. This is something I really need to work on as I am prone to spout things that are hurtful just because I want to see the other person's reaction. This is NOT healthy! I realize this now and will try to be more careful with my words.

Laura Berman's book It's Not Him! It's You is like having your own sex and relationship therapist in the privacy of your own home. Having it available in your library will empower you to take steps to improving your love life.

Full Disclosure: The e-newsletter Shelf Awareness featured an ad by publisher DK offering a limited number of ARCs/galleys to folks who were interested. I sent a request and received a copy. Thank you DK!

Excuse me but that song just made fun of you

Outkast totally pulled the wool over your eyes and you didn't even know it.

I love this song! But at the same time I also recognize it as one of the biggest scam I've ever heard. It's anti-love, pro-casual sex and it basically insults the listener. It's dance beat and the repetition of words like "shake it like a polaroid picture", "alright", "hey ya", "why oh why oh", etc. hypnotizes listeners into a frenzy of gyrations. They are too busy dancing to notice that Andre is talking to a girl whose love he can't return but whose body he still wants to enjoy. He keeps on this point for about 2 minutes until the insult comes. Andre mutters, almost under his breath right before the song bridges to it's climax. "Y'all don't wanna hear me, y'all just wanna dance." That's right Andre. Most of the people who will listen to this song will completely overlook the anti-love message you are spouting and will be dancing to the beat, oblivious to your negative thoughts on love. They are only there to dance, not to be preached to. By the point that Andre says, "y'all just wanna dance" and delivers a few more lines of lyrics, he completely drops the anti-love message and basically commands his audience to start shaking their bodies like they would shake a polaroid picture to get it to develop faster. Genius! He stops his message before the audience can catch on and encourages them to lose themselves in the beat and in their dancing.

Let's talk about the elements of the video for a bit. There is a green coffin on stage. I like to think that represents the death of love. How it's not forever because like Andre says, if nothing is forever so why is love the exception. And I think it's kind of funny that the actor Ryan Philippe, who was notorious for cheating on his ex-wife Reese Witherspoon, introduced the Andre-multiple fake band "The Love Below" in the video. If anyone knows how to kill love with a swift blow, it's him! Not that they would have known that in 2003 but I like this regardless. Now, let's talk about those multiples Andres. All in green and with different functions and personalities. What a great distraction! While you are watching the video, you'll be too busy picking out all the Andres to realize that Andre is breaking up with his girlfriend in the song. The girls screaming in the background to be Andre's next girlfriend (whichever Andre on stage they can get). I think this is funny too. He just said he doesn't believe in love. So you want to be with him so he can make you cum-a and toss you aside?

I've talked to a few people about the anti-love message and the insult in the song and most of them never noticed (well duh that's the point) or they think I've over-analyzing the song. If you think of a song or any type of art whether it be a book, a movie, a painting, etc. is only what it is at the surface then you are deluding yourself.  There is always something more once you pull back the curtains and see what's really inside.

Lyrics

My baby don't mess around 

because she loves me so

and this I know for sure

but does she really want to

because she can't stand 

to see me walk out the door

don't try to fight the feeling

'cause the thought alone

is killing me right now

Thank God for mom and dad

for sticking two together

'cause we don't know how

hey ya, hey ya, hey ya, hey ya

hey ya, hey ya, hey ya, hey ya

you think you've got it?

oh you think you've got it?

but got it just don't get it

'cause there's nothing at all

we fit together

oh we fit together

but separate is always better

when there's feelings involved

'cause what they say is

nothing is forever

then what makes, then what makes, then what makes

love the exception?

so why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh

are we so in denial?

when we know we're not happy here

Y'all don't want to hear me

Y'all just want to dance

Don't want to meet your Daddy

just want you in my Cadi

Don't want to meet your Momma

just want to make you cum-ah

I'm, I'm just being honest

I'm just being honest

alright now fellas

yeah?

what's cooler than being cool?

ice cold

I can't hear you

what's cooler than being cool?

ice cold

alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright...

ok now ladies

we are going to break this thing down in a second

now don't make me break this thing down for nothing

now I want to see y'all on your baddest behavior

lend me some sugar, I am your neighbor

Shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, like a polaroid picture (repeat)

hey ya (repeat)