Book Review: It's Not Him, It's You! by Dr. Laura Berman

It's Not Him, It's You!

How to Take Charge of Your Life and Create the Love and Intimacy You Deserve

by Laura Berman PhD

Dorling Kindersley

$25.00

Hardcover

January 2011

My beau Carlos and I became fans of Dr. Laura Berman after watching her short-lived TV series Sexual Healing on Netflix Instant Watch. In the show, she took on two couples with serious intimacy issues and worked with them for a few weeks on their troubles. She would meet with them together as a couple and one-on-one. Berman would also give them homework assignments, intimacy experiments that they would do in private (or in public depending on the task) and would report back at the next meeting. Some of the cases were pretty serious and Carlos and I were always impressed on how she dealt with them. She listened to them, asked them thought-provoking questions and always encouraged communication between the partners.

So when I saw that DK was offering up some galleys of this book for review on Shelf Awareness, I jumped on the chance. I thought, if anything, it could help improve my love life.

The copy I received was a paperback galley with pixelated black and white photographs. I hope that the final hardcover will be in color! The design overall was very good and I'm excited to see the final product when it publishes next year.

The book covers many topics from dating, sex, long-term relationships, health issues, family, stress, etc. The way the different sections are structured makes it easy to read and great as a reference guide. The book is peppered with quizzes, lists, strategies, sexy photographic spreads, and thought-provoking essays. The target audience of this book is primarily women but men could read it as well. You can be single, in a casual relationship, in a long-term relationship, married, divorced, it doesn't matter. It is pretty much guaranteed that regardless of your current romantic status that there are several sections of this book that will relate directly to you. It's evenly balanced and I didn't feel like it catered to one group of women over another. This is the type of book that women could easily share with their female firends and family members. 

In my opinion, the main goal of the book is to help you not sabotage your relationship. Because let's face it, that's what many of us do. Both men and women have a tendency to destroy their relationships because they are scared or they don't put in the effort required to keep a relationship healthy and thriving. This book focuses on how women do that and how they can stop doing that and improve their love lives. I found it very empowering but several times throughout the book I would stop and wonder if "It's Not Her, It's You!" would ever be published.

Personally, I got the most out of the section about the "blame game". I didn't quite buy the you spot it you own it idea that if you see some flaw in someone else you have that flaw as well. However, I do think I have a tendency to blame people for things they haven't done. This is my way of lashing out at people in order to protect my vulnerable self-esteem. Also, Berman suggests that if you confront your partner over a certain issue that you be more careful with your words. This is something I really need to work on as I am prone to spout things that are hurtful just because I want to see the other person's reaction. This is NOT healthy! I realize this now and will try to be more careful with my words.

Laura Berman's book It's Not Him! It's You is like having your own sex and relationship therapist in the privacy of your own home. Having it available in your library will empower you to take steps to improving your love life.

Full Disclosure: The e-newsletter Shelf Awareness featured an ad by publisher DK offering a limited number of ARCs/galleys to folks who were interested. I sent a request and received a copy. Thank you DK!