How I Macgyvered Our Toilet; or War against the Ballcock

Our home toilet hasn't been doing so great. The lift chain which is pulled by the handle in order to lift the flush ball and flush the toilet was broken. It was being kept attached to the flush ball with a paper clip. Then the Ballcock, the part of the toilet which is connected to the water pipe and fills the tank with water, was spouting water from the top instead of from beneath the cap. This was causing water to come out of the lid of the toilet onto the seat, the floor or completely soaking our rolls of toilet paper. We managed to survive with these two problems. The paper clip had to be readjusted ever so often and the Ballcock could be twisted in a way that it wouldn't spurt water out the top. But this required removing the toilet lid and fixing the Ballcock quickly every 3-4 flushes.

I kept bugging Carlos to call his Plumber friend to fix this.

Fast forward a couple months and my beau gets really sick. And let's just say the toilet is put to the ultimate test during this time and it fails. The part of the handle that is attached to the lift chain completely broke. In order to flush the toilet, you had to remove the toilet lid and pull the lift chain yourself. Oh my. We have to keep the toilet lid off at all times in order to use the toilet at all.

I know Carlos won't call the Plumber friend anytime soon. He likes to procrastinate.

If you know anything about me, you will know I'm as stubborn as a mule and I don't like to ask for help. So off I went to Lowes to get myself a Toilet repair kit. I must have stood out in my grey Modcloth dress, pink cardigan and black cloche hat (I wish I had snapped a picture) traipsing about the gigantic warehouse. There were tons of Lowes employees around swarming the aisles and I weaved through them, avoiding them until I found the Plumbing section. I looked through the various options. Should I just get a handle and a lift chain and deal with the spurting Ballcock? Should I get a Ballcock too? Which one should I get? In the end, I decided on getting a complete toilet repair kit that came with all the essentials for a 8-1/2 inch toilet (handle, ballcock, float, float arm, flush valve, guide arm, flush ball, lift wire, etc.). I noticed that the package didn't come with a lift chain and that they were only $2. I decided I would buy that too just in case.

Good thing I did because turns out, I didn't really have an 8-1/2 inch toilet. It was more like 6 inches.

First thing I did when I got home was shut off the water and drain the tank. This was already going to be a messy job, we don't need water getting everywhere too. Then I screwed off the hose and removed the handle. Next was the Ballcock. The ballcock has several pieces. It has a small tube which gets hooked up to the water hose. This tube goes through a hole at the bottom of the tank. A plastic washer screws the Ballcock in place and a rubber ring keeps water from seeping out of the tank. With the old Ballcock, the washer was on so tightly that I couldn't remove it. I took a wrench to it, almost destroying the small tube and most of the washer. It still wasn't budging. Then I removed the float arm and float that are attached to the Ballcock and may get in the way of me removing the device. Still wasn't budging. Who ever put that washer on tightened it so tight I'm surprised he didn't break the toilet in the process. I tried several things until I started getting desperate (this is where my stubborn nature comes in).

So out came the saw.

All that was in the way of me fixing this damn toilet was removing that stupid washer. So I grabbed the saw and started cutting away. Flakes of plastic were flying everywhere. I almost got to the toilet when I realized this wasn't working.

Then I declared war against the Ballcock.

I put on a pair of my pink rubber gloves and twisted the top of the Ballcock so hard that it came right off, splitting the the washer in two. I grabbed the Ballcock and held it up triumphantly, bringing it to my beau and proclaimed "I pulled out that mother fucker!".

Now that the biggest obstacle was over, I was sure everything would be a breeze. That's where I was wrong. When I put the new Ballcock in place and was fitting the new float arm and float I realized that the arm was way too long. Shit. I bought the wrong kit. The float was so pressed up against the toilet wall that it wouldn't budge no matter how much water was in the toilet. The whole point of a Ballcock is that it cocks the ball. No I'm not being perverse. There is a little lever on top of the Ballcock that holds the float arm and float. When the water in the tank gets to a certain height, it lights the float. When the float is up to a certain level, the lever on the Ballcock snaps shut preventing more water from filling the tank. This device HAD to work or there was no use. So I decided to use the new Ballcock with the old float arm and float. Luckily this worked with no problem.

Now there was the issue with the flush ball and chain. The toilet repair kit had several pieces that put together would create a very complexe flush-ball-lifting system. I didn't quite get it. I preferred the flush ball and chain (two pieces, super simple). Turns out the length and sizes of the pieces weren't going to work with my overflow tube or even the height of the tank. I had to nix them altogether. I'm so happy that I spent that extra $2 on the new lift chain because I used the old flush ball, attached the new chain and connected it with a strange paperclip-looking piece that came with the kit to the handle bar. I turned on the water, the tank filled up and I did a test flush. It worked! An amalgamation of new and old pieces, no more paperclips, and I didn't even need chewing gum or duct tape to Macgyver this toilet!