He Broke My Heart

Tammy 1992-2006

I've been so despondent. I feel like my heart has been broken and my soul has been shattered. On Wednesday, my beloved dog Tammy passed away. He (yes he) was diagnosed with lymphoma back in December of 2004. We took him to a special Veterinary hospital where he underwent 2 or 3 operations and had chemotherapy for 4 months. He was in remission until a few weeks ago, when his tumors started growing back. It happened so quickly but I had been expecting it for so long. I can't recall a time that I never cried so much. Tammy has been a part of my life since I was 11 years old. I've gone through so much with him and now he's gone. I'll miss him dearly and will always cherish his memory. Pets give us a type of love that people just can't. It's unconditional, non-judgemental, shameless and always in full supply. My life was better for having Tammy in it. Although, I suffer the pain of losing him I know that now he's suffering no pain. Above is the last picture I took of him, it was a couple of hours before we had to bring him to the hospital to put him to sleep. He sat so quietly next to me and looked so sad. The lumps you see on his chest and neck are a result of his illness. Yet even disfigured by the disease, he still looks as handsome as that 3 month old puppy that I held in my arms that fateful day in 1992. Godspeed Tammy! I will always love you.

I'm Going to Washington DC!

There is a big convention in Washington DC in May where all the major book publishers and booksellers from across the country get together to sell/buy, shmooze, show off, collect free stuff and ogle celebrities. And yours truly is going! Yay! I'm so excited. My job in publishing doesn't really require me to go to this big event, but since my company needs an extra hand to help out at our booth this year I get to go! Oh yeah! I'm so excited. I might bring my camera and take pictures to share on this blog. Its not definite that I'm going but I'm 95% sure it is going to happen. Woohoo!

Tagged, I'm it!

Bev has been very kind and tagged little ole me to fill this marvelous list of fours. Enjoy and please feel free to share your own!

Four jobs you have had in your life:

1. Barnes & Noble Bookstore ~ Bookseller, Magazine Lead and Barista
2. Northeastern University Press ~ Intern
3. Current job at a Children's Book Publisher.
4. I've only had 3 jobs! All book-releated too.

Four movies you could watch over and over:

1. If a Man Answers (1962) w/ Bobby Darrin and Sandra Dee
2. Pillow Talk (1957) w/Rock Hudson and Doris Day
3. Pride & Prejudice BBC Adaptation
4. Father of the Bride (1950) w/ Elizabeth Taylor and Spencer Tracy

Four places you have lived:
1. Natick, Massachusetts
2. Boston, Massachusetts
3. 'Rents House, Massachusetts
4. My future apartment in Massachusetts

Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. Friends
2. The segments TCM shows in between movies.
3. A Fine Romance
4. Arthur!

Four places you have been on vacation:
1. Portugal
2. Dominican Republic
3. Alberta, Canada
4. England!

Four web sites I visit daily:
1. Hotmail
2. Work-related Website
3. IMDB
4. Netflix

Four of my favorite meals:
1. Clam Bake
2. Pulled Pork Sandwiches
3. Pepperoni Pizza
4. Pad Thai

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. At home with a good book
2. At home watching a good movie
3. At home surfing the net
4. At home playing with my dog

Four places you would like to visit:
1. France
2. Ireland
3. Italy
4. Maine (I've never been there!!)

Four friends I am tagging that I think will respond.
1. If you've done me the honor of reading this, then consider yourself tagged!!!

Gifted Borders

Because I think the copywriting team at Borders are a group of absolute geniuses, I thought I'd share two paragraphs about reading I just enjoyed from their March 2006 Fiction e-mail newsletter.

Sometimes it's a comfort to pick up a book and enter the life of a character not so much unlike one's self, with a life not unlike one's own, facing challenges that are all too familiar. There is a calming sense of empathy that emanates from the well-written quotidian tome, a sigh of relief when each of us encounters a character with whom we can almost completely identify. On other occasions, escapism is the order of the day, and nothing thrills us more than entering times, places, or realities that we find thoroughly…well…novel. How invigorating, and edifying, to tool around Venice with a courtesan and a dwarf, to learn that Death sports mint-green golf wear, to find interspersed within pages of text a graphic novel inspired by Dante.

Je suis toujours ici

I'm still here! I've just been very busy at work. So busy in fact, I've put most of my energy into work and when I come home I'm so drained that I just want to lounge about and watch movies all night. When I do scrounge up the energy on the weekend, I go see my chiropractor (my back's gotten worse), run some errands and start planning for my apartment. Yes that's right I said it, apartment. Its looking more like a possibility than a far off dream. With my recent promotion, I'm starting to become more financially secure and now is the perfect time to move out. I was hoping to move out before I start school again (end of May) but it looks like June is more realistic. I'm really super excited about the prospect of a little nook to call my own. Its really boosted my spirits, more than I can convey in words. It will be great to focus my energy on this. I'd like to revitalize my blog too and to post more often! I keep thinking my posts are boring and that's creating a form of writer's block. Not good! Stay tuned...

March

This comes from a Borders newsletter, of all places. Its such an encouragement when you are struggling through those last days of winter and are so hungry for a taste of spring! Here it is! Enjoy:

We are now in a month of transition. March carries us through the dead end of winter and gives us our first glimpse of spring. As the days move from shorter to longer, our energy levels rise, and we emerge from whatever physical and mental hibernation we may have been in. Suddenly, it is as if the earth itself blew the warm breeze of a final yawn across the land, urging its floral tenants and faunal boarders to awaken renewed and refreshed.

Indulgences

The lovely Bev had a marvelous idea for a post, which I have decided (with all due credit to her for the concept) to use on my blog. It has been so hectic these past few months, that its nice to step back and appreciate the little things that make life so precious. Those moments you savor as you indulge in something you truly enjoy. Here are some of my indulgences. (Please feel free to share yours too!)

Doggie Talk: There is nothing better than talking incomprehensible gibberish to my lovely beagle, who enjoys every minute of it. He doesn't understand a word, but knows its the language of love.

Purging: Not what you think! One of my favorite things to do is take a big trash bag, scavenge around the house for disposable items, filling up the bag and throwing it away. Its as if I've filled that bag with stress and clutter and just got rid of it. Pure bliss!

Croissant and Coffee: This is my favorite breakfast. It all started when I watched the hunky Rock Hudson accept an offer of coffee and a roll from the beautiful Jane Wyman in All That Heaven Allows (1955). There is something so appealing about the simplicity of that scene.

Magazines: I love buying several women's magazines (Real Simple, Shape, InStyle, Glamour, etc.) and just plonking myself on my sofa and devouring all the articles. It makes me feel like a real girl's girl for an hour or so.

Kindness: Its highly underrated! It makes the other person feel good and that feeling only comes right back at you.

Old Movies: I know this is an obvious one, because I talk about them all the time, but movies from the 30's, 40's, 50's (and 1960-1962 ~ I'm very specific) are my absolute favorites! Its my escape into another world, one much more simple and innocent than the one I know.

Books: Another obvious one, but I love everything about them and have based my career on them. As the years go by, my appreciation for their beauty, complexity and power never wanes.

A Good Night's Sleep: Feeling refreshed after sleeping in a nice warm bed, is there anything better?

Two-Cent Reviews

Been watching a lot of movies lately. Here are my Two-Cent reviews that I post on Netflix for the stuff I've recently seen.

Designing Woman (1957) ~ Who spilled the ravioli? Very funny film. Gotta love Bacall and Peck!

Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House (1949) ~ Blanding's Dream House is more like a nightmare. Hilarious!

Beyond the Sea (2004) ~ Shameful! A disgrace on the memory of the lovely Bobby Darin!

Asylum (2005) ~ Psycho stalker love stories are my favorite. And this one is steaming hot! ::sizzle::

Butterfield 8 (1960) ~ Very captivating film. Taylor and Harvey are dynamic and Fisher is just bleh!

East of Eden (1955) ~ James Dean cries, gets drunk and is sad. Nothing really new. Good anyways!

Imitation of Life (1934/1959) ~ It will move you to tears. Not the drippy kind but the gushing kind.

Merchant of Venice (2004) ~ Overacted by everyone except Pacino who was amazingly disturbing as the man who wanted a pound of flesh!

An American in Paris (1951) ~ Gene Kelly, we know you can dance, now stop showing off!

Gigi (1958) ~ Gigi looks 13 but Leslie Caron was 27. Her fling with Louis Jordan would be weird if he wasn't so hot!

~Raquelle~

I Hate this Holiday!

Out of all of the holidays this one makes me feel the absolute worst. Its for the most part a painful reminder that I'm still single (like I needed reminding) and that there is a dirth of flowers, chocolate and jewelry in my life. It has good intentions but it fails miserably (kind of like Communism!). So today, I'll spend the rest of the day brooding to myself, crying "Abba! Why have thou foresaken me?" and being generally miserable.

~Raquelle~

16-24 inches of snow expected today! Sheesh!

Naughty Netflix!

I just read this article on Yahoo! regarding the throttling practices used by Netflix, in which you are basically punished for returning your movies too quickly! If you've developed a history of watching movies and returning them really fast, Netflix will "delay" the shipment of your next title. And if the title on the top of your queue is in high demand, you'll go farther down the list of people in line for the movie. Smoke almost came out of my ears I was so mad. I've been a loyal customer for years and I can't believe the nerve. If they are imposing a limit, just say so! What's wrong with 3 movies at a time with a maximum of 20 per month? As long as your honest! The nerve. So I sent them an angry letter. I won't stop the service, because I hate Blockbuster and there is nothing better out there, but if something better does come along I'm leaving. And fast!

Cary Grant: A Biography by Marc Eliot

0-307-20983-0; Three Rivers PressI picked up this title recently mostly because I'm intrigued with the life of Cary Grant, but what really captured my eye about this book and drew me towards it was its amazing cover. A simple, sleek black and white design with Cary Grant at the prime of his life, sitting indian style in such a way that his body makes the shape of a star. What also intriguing about the cover, was that you read the title and subtitle to yourself, without even realizing that the title isn't even on the cover. Yet you know that the title is "Cary Grant" because the image is so familiar that that name instantly comes to you the moment you lay eyes on the image. Brilliant!

Marc Eliot, an expert on pop culture, dishes out all the very juicy parts of Grant's somewhat scandalous life. There were lots of interesting bits about his relationship with his mother, whom his father told him was dead, but really was in an insane asylum for 19 years without him knowing! Eliot also goes into great detail into Grant's more-than-friendly relationship with fellow actor Randolph Scott and his five marriages among other various romances. The frame of biography is somewhat built upon the Academy's grudge against Grant and their reluctance to give him an Oscar (which changed when Gregory Peck stepped in!).

If you want the dirt on Cary Grant, this is definitely the book to read. Yet Eliot is in no way judgemental of Grant in any way. He delivers a pretty straightforward biography and doesn't miss a beat. His high respect for the actor and interest in his life shows through in the writing style. My only dislike of the biography was Eliot's not-so-nice portrayal of the wives. I was most interested in Grant's last wife, Barbara Harris, who is barely mentioned at all. But Eliot takes his time to detail two relatively unknown aspects of Grant's life. His very close friendships with Howard Hughes, who supported Grant through many a scandal and Alfred Hitchcock, who believed in Grant and lived vicariously through him. Superb read! Highly recommended.

I Hate My School!

My school is giving me the most difficult time about this Leave of Abscence. They have the ability to deny my request and I've been on tenderhooks for days waiting for their response. I've already bugged them to the extent that I'm sure they are so utterly annoyed with me that they would refuse me just on the basis of spite. If they refuse me, I may just have to take an incomplete on the class or something. I'm not sure. The school is for students who are financially well to do, even after paying all their undergraduate tuition bills, and thus do not need to work, can pay for high rent Boston apartments and have loads of free time on their hand. That is the opposite of me. I work full-time, can barely afford the tuition and commute from a long distance, free time is precious to me and I can only dole it out in small amounts. I feel like this school does not understand me whatsoever and that I'm not getting what I need out of it. I may even consider a withdrawl, but I think my anxiety is what is speaking right now. I'm so anxious and nervous and depressed even people at work have been coming up to me asking me what's wrong? I can't wait until this is all over.

~Raquelle~

I'm doing it!

I'm taking a Leave of Abscence from school for one semester. I submitted the necessary paperwork today and now I'm waiting for a yea or nay. I won't get all my money back, but I'll get most of it. So I will have until May to really focus on work, my physical problems (hypoglycemia, back & neck problems, etc.) and my personal issues. It would be a shame to continue the semester and do a half-assed job at it. Plus endure all the stress and worry of school on top of everything else. I would spread myself thin and not accomplish anything worth accomplishing.

This is a big decision and I hope its for the best. I really want to take the opportunity to use this time for something worthwhile so that I don't look back and regret time lost for school. Wish me luck!

 

I Need a Pick Me Up

I went to my first class for this semester last night and was horrifyingly disappointed. I'm really contemplating not finishing the MA program. And for me to say that is very unusual because I'm not a quitter and I dread failure. But this program is really not what I thought it was. I was hoping to get real inside knowledge into the industry but what I'm getting is a lot of low quality busy work. Granted I've only taken two courses so far, and only one class of my third, but I've paid for those classes and I don't feel like I came out of them learning anything useful. ::sigh::
Today I really needed a pick me up. Some Chet Baker music, a good book to snuggle up to and something warm to drink.

The Pain is More Bearable When...

As I hinted at in the previous post, it turns out that I didn't come out completely unscathed from my November accident. Actually, I've been experiencing neck, back and chest pain and had to go to the chiro for an adjustment. My chiro says all the pain is centered exactly around the areas that the seat belt rests on the body. And because of the impact of the crash and the fact that I knew it was going to happen, and my body tensed up, the pain I'm feeling now is conducive to what happened almost two months ago. Sheesh! And I thought it was all over.

But all is not lost! I got some amazingly good news today. It's been 2 years since I've been at my current job, and today was my yearly review. Yours truly not only got a raise (2-1/2 times more than the raise I got last year) but I also got a promotion. I don't really get any added responsibilities, I have enough as it is, but I do get a new title and the raise coincides with the new elevated position. Hooray! Makes my aches and pains all the more bearable.

Screwed

I feel like I've only been posting sad entries lately, but it's been a tough week for me. I just found out that I had been scammed out of $40. Albeit in 2003, but all the same. I forked over $20 in a donation to an organization that was accepting donations for a cancer fund. They claimed to be supported by airline companies that we're giving them free travel vouchers in order to get people to make donations. I went to the website, which I got from a very legit source, and filled out a form which I mailed with a $20 check. I thought, well, even if the voucher thing doesn't pan out, I'm still giving to a good cause. (Ahh, I'm kicking myself as I type this). Then I got another notice asking for another $20 check for the voucher. Okay strange, but I still did it because I still trusted my legit source (I'm getting bruises from all the kicking). Well, I got a Reservation Request Form that I had up to 2 years to fill out with my ideal destinations and time and they would reply to me with lodging costs and what they could give me in vouchers. So the months went by and after much pestering from my mother, I finally sent in the Request form. Never heard a word. Nada! Zip. Good old mother dear told me I'd been had. In the back of my mind I knew she was right, but I needed proof. Which I got today from this website. Now, if you'll excuse me I'll go hide into the abyss of my shame! Maybe I'll climb out tomorrow to tell you all about the physical injuries I received from my November accident.

If for any reason, you would like to be depressed...

Please watch this movie. It will fill you with a profound sense of shame and a yearning to go hug your mom.

Please read this book. It will make you think that life is desparately unfair and potential suicidal thoughts may surface!

Godspeed Shelley Winters

Shelley Winters (1920-2006)

Great Minds Read Alike

It's been a busy week for me. I spent the last two days looking at amazing new children's books that will be out on the market starting September of this year. I'm so amazed by the power of imagination from all different types of people whether they be writers, editors, artists and designers. The coming together of great minds is bound to create amazing results. Granted some of the books I thought were pretty bleh. But of course, I'm a picky girl when it comes to books.

However, one of the things that I realized during this recent 2-day conference, is that my reading skills are pretty weak. It's very rare that I read a whole book in one day. It usually takes me 2-5 days and sometimes weeks and months, all depending on length, vocabulary, depth of writing, etc. Anna Karennina took me a whole summer! I know this is slow, but I didn't think it was that bad. Until, that is, I heard someone say that they read a 560 page book in one sitting. One sitting? No breaks? Not even trips to the bathroom? I don't think I could manage digesting 560 pages in one day. I don't even know if I'd want to? I like to savor books and enjoy them. But it did make me realize something, especially if I'm going to make book publishing my career, I really have to read faster. I don't want to learn to speedread but I can't take my sweet time. My slow reading skills may be the reason why my homework this past semester took so long to do. The bulk was reading and getting it all done took too much time. So I really want to strive to better my reading skills in 2006. I plan to read more books and create strict deadlines for myself! I may need to do exercises to increase my attention span as that's one of my main difficulties.